You Can Be the Ripest…

But don’t let it stop you…

I have been busy, but in a wonderful, creative way. I’m involved in a new podcast the Funkenstein Wrestling Roundup, which features interviews with various wrestling personalities. There will be a new episode every other Tuesday at 9 pm. During Episode One, I talked with CTW Owner and UWA Elite Commentator Colin West. Next week, I’ll play a special interview I conducted with WWE Hall of Famer “Cowboy” Bob Orton, tell some car ride stories that didn’t make into the interview, and share my experience at The Big Event X last Saturday.

I’m also doing more for Excellence Pro Wrestling as Edgar Excellence’s Administrative Assistant and this Saturday is our first show of 2016. It’s “Kitten’s Mittens” and we’ll be back at the Forrest Lodge VFW in Sellersville, PA. The card is going to be amazing – The Batiri vs. One Night Only, Karen Q. vs. Deonna Purrazzo, Boar of Moldova vs. Kobald, Dan Champion vs. Orange Cassidy, Danger Jameson & Rembrandt Lewis vs. Smiley and Nick The Silent Assassin, and Icarus vs. Blind Rage.

Tomorrow night,  I’m going to see “Brooklyn“. I’ve been wanting to see it and can’t wait.

Things I love…

The Philadelphia Flower Show! This year’s theme was the National Park Service. While some patrons thought there weren’t enough flowers, I disagreed. I felt that the exhibits showed extra creativity by focusing on the greens and not relying on colorful flowers. There were a number of displays representing local parks, which I enjoyed. I also loved the smells, as they reminded me of hiking in nature and the peace I find there. I liked seeing the juried exhibits and the Japanese flowers, plus there was enough color in the tulips and other displays. Plus, I had fantastic company…

Butterflies! Need I say more? The Butterfly Room at the Flower Show was only $3 extra and so worth it! It was so much fun to be surrounded by such beautiful creatures.

Lilies! I bought two beautiful stems at the Flower Show and they look amazing. They smell so fragrant too. I love looking at them at work.

What You Are Seeking…

The last few weeks I’ve been dealing with a pretty nasty stomach flare up. I usually have it under control and it doesn’t stop me from living life or doing anything. But lately, I’ve been having a rough time working through it and getting back to normal, so I’m going through some testing now. Yet surprisingly, the worst part isn’t the abdominal pain and cramping, numerous trips to the bathroom, or joint stiffness, or muscle pain, but the fatigue. It’s been hard to keep up with all my responsibilities and various activities, especially when all I want is a nap, even though I know it won’t help me feel rested. I’ve been going back and re-reading old writings and books I have for advice and ideas on coping. I found a few good pieces I’ve written that were inspiring. It’s been a while since I’ve implement a new self-care plan – I guess it’s time to start.

While I’ve been exhausted, I’ve been keeping up with everything pretty well and working on some new projects. My boss, the Head Cat at Excellence Pro Wrestling, has been keeping me busy transcribing a new blog and working on a top secret project to be unveiled at “Kittens Mittens” on 3/16 in Sellersville. You won’t want to miss the surprise and the show. One Night Only takes on The Batiri in a rematch. Their first match was fantastic, and easily one of the best tag matches of 2015. Smiley and Nick (with Ariela Nyx) are teaming up to take on Danger Jameson and Rembrandt Lewis. There are more matches still do be announced.

I’ll also be helping Funkenstein Wrestling Superstore out at the Big Event X next weekend! I’m super excited to be a part. We’ll have Cowboy Bob Orton, Amber O’Neal, Eric Young and more at our table. Then that night, I’ll be at UWA Elite in South River, NJ for “Dangerous Uprisings”. Orton will be a special guest and there’s eight huge matches, including a handicap street fight between UWA Elite Champion Hedges and Magic/Jeremiah.

I’ve gotten back into podcasting! Alex is doing a great job with CHIKARA in 15 Minutes or Less and Chattin’ with the CHIKARMY! And it’s time for me to do something new. I was the first guest on Alex’s Occupy Pro Wrestling podcast, listen here! I talk about CHIKARA, Excellence, my wrist, Season 13, rough times, what I’m doing now, and more! I’m also going to be on Beyond Ringside, talking with my friend MoBo and the crew there! I’m also going to be co-hosting a new show with Dan Crisp who owns the Funkenstein Wrestling Superstore, and I’ll have more details in the upcoming days. I still write bios for the stores website, read them here!

A new Meditations on Wrestling is coming up in the next week or so. This month, it’s all about Joy. I admit to being inspired by the quote from my former trainer and boss Mike Quackenbush: “The true net yield of wrestling is always joy.” I’ve been thinking about it since I heard it, rolling the truth of it around in my head. I’ve been meditating on the nature of it and how my joy in wrestling has grown and changed over the years as I’ve moved from fan to participant.

Also, I plan to start writing and expanding the Plus Size Pretty project. It’s not just me narcissistically posting pictures of myself on Instagram with a hashtag (#PlusSizePretty). I started it for a reason and honestly, I feel I could do some good for others, maybe help people accept themselves and change some misconceptions. If nothing else, I believe it will help me and by helping myself, I can serve others. Plus, there’s a saying from Gandhi: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” If I want to see other people empowered/confident and not discriminated against or hated due to their weight or appearance, then I need to model that.

Things I Love…

Made by Lisa Copen, who started Invisible Illness Week, this necklace I found in her shop, Gutsy Goodness, on Etsy is perfect. I think I do resilient very well, but radiant I would like to be more of.POP! figures are fun to collect. I have a few Disney and Once Upon a Time ones, but I saw this one and adored it. The thing is, I didn’t know anything about “Inside Out”, besides it’s a kid’s movie. Turns out the story is about a little girl who recently moved and how she’s dealing with the change emotionally. There are five main emotions in the film: joy, anger, sadness, fear, and disgust. Each emotion plays a role in her life and has its function. Disgust serves to protect her from being poisoned physically and socially, a rather important job.The recent bitter cold temperatures in the area increase my fatigue and make my wrist ache! I just love snuggling under a bunch of blankets to sleep.

Bella Grace! What a beautiful and inspiring magazine!Vintage hair clips! I just bought the above lucite crystal clip from the 1950’s from a British seller on Etsy. I think it will be perfect with the curl of my bangs.

On Not Being Broken

I found this quote and retweeted it on Twitter because it made me think about someone I care about. He’s an absolutely wonderful, amazing, creative, and handsome man, but he doesn’t see it or maybe doesn’t want to see it. He just wants to be someone, anyone, else. He’s changing into someone he’s not, because he doesn’t think he’s good or worthy enough. But this other person he wants to be is just a shadow of who he is and not as terrific as he is already. He is perfect and was always good enough, especially for me. He didn’t believe me when I told him that, but one day, I hope he realizes it and breaks free of all that stuff that holds him down.

But after thinking about it, I believe it spoke to me for another reason. The truth is I feel the same way a lot of time. I have never felt “enough”. I’m either too much or too little. “Just right” seemed like something from a fairy tale, an unachievable goal. But I’m coming to realize that I was using someone else’s definition of “just right”.

So what is definition of “just right”? Well, I’m still figuring that out really. So far, it’s come to me in the adjectives I use to describe myself: talkative, curious, emotional, passionate, smart, flirty, fun, corny, cute, friendly, sweet, creative, curvy, opinionated, determined, stubborn, loyal, devoted, caring, fat, giving, feminine, colorful, floral, open-hearted, trusting, and loving.

When I look at those words, my current definition of “just right”, I realize there’s nothing wrong with me, nothing that needs fixing. I’m “just right” right now. I don’t need or want to define myself based on fear of what other’s think or what they say I should be. I’m the only one who gets to decide who I am and how I live in the world.

That might not be okay with some people. Who I am might not be okay with some people. Yet, when I’ve put myself out there, took a risk, and opened myself up (being my emotional and passionate self rather than remaining small and quiet), more often than not I’ve found people responding and supporting me,  whether it was in wrestling or with my writing. So, I’ve decided to start taking risks and sharing my ideas, my passions and really putting myself out there. I think that the world need more people doing just that.

I started this week by calling myself “Plus Size Pretty” on my profiles. I’m using it as a social media hashtag and I hope other people do too. It’s about me finally claiming a word that I never have before – pretty. I’ve always felt my size, body shape, appearance (my double chin!), and glasses always excluded me from being pretty or beautiful. But I’ve realized that’s not true. I am pretty and beautiful. And I want to share that with everyone, because I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling ugly or unattractive.

Here’s some of pictures from this week’s #PlusSizePretty posts:

https://twitter.com/BabsIndie/status/690922294743584768

https://twitter.com/BabsIndie/status/690540378102063104

Things I Love:

Petticoats! I bought my first one last weekend and after wearing it, I promptly bought three more in white, navy, and yellow. I feel so feminine and flirty in it. I just love it. The way my dress flares out is so much fun.

I have some extra money and $10 in Dressbarn Dollars to spend, so I am looking for a new dress to buy myself. I could get the new Calvin Klein with the cute blue stripes, but this red lace dress is calling my name. It’s a little bolder than what I normally wear, but it’s perfect for Valentine’s and feel it would be so cute with a red petticoat under it.

Ghirardelli’s Twilight Delight. It’s the perfect dark chocolate and 3:00 pick-me-up. It just melts in your mouth and comes in these wonderful little squares. It’s just enough for a delicious treat.

“The Secret Garden” by Johanna Basford. I’ve been looking at this coloring book for weeks now. I’ve resisted picking it up because it’s so gorgeous and I am afraid I will mess it up and make it look ugly somehow. I decided that’s a silly thought and bought it. I just started coloring the first page.

On Writing

I’ve just finished writing a huge chapter of my life. Now that I’ve closed the book, I find myself at a crossroads and rather than just 2 or 3 paths to choose from, there are hundreds. There are so many choices to make, yet I feel stuck with fear and perfectionism, unsure which path will get me closer to my goals. So, I stand, unable to choose or move forward down any one of them. As a go-getter type of girl, it’s frustrating to say the least. I feel the need to do something, so I’m going back to basics, which for me is writing. I’m hoping that my future will unfold and I can work through my feelings with each word I type.

I have a list of projects that I’m working on, both personal and professional. I have my personal blog and website here. Plus, I also write wrestling bios for the Funkenstein Wrestling Superstore website. I write two a week and they range from 750 to 1,500 words each. You can check out the site and all the items that have for sale (including UWA Elite tickets) here. I’m also working on the Meditations series. The first one, Comfort, is already posted. I’m going to release one a month. This month’s Meditation is called Disappointment and it will be up sometime in the next week. I tried to write it months ago, but it didn’t work. Now I think I have the right inspiration to finish it. Also, I might start writing wrestling show/event/DVD reviews (I’m open to suggestions on this one.)

On a personal front, I’ve been really sick for about a week or so. It’s forced me to stop and rest. I haven’t been really hungry, but I have started craving tofu. Thankfully, Wegmans makes a good General Tso’s tofu. It’s a bit spicy, but the texture is perfect. I’ve gone back to vegetarianism (eggs and fish included), so my craving’s actually been a good thing. I’ve been drinking a lot too, mostly juice, tea, and water. I’ve been cutting out sodas, with the exception of ginger ale, the ones with actual ginger in it, as a treat.

My wrestling year officially begins next Saturday night in Sellersville, with the first Excellence Pro event of the year, “Let The Cat Out Of The Bag”. It’s shaping up to be a great start to 2016. I hope to see you there! I’ll be at the merch table, so come say hi. I’ve had a nice break, but now I’m ready to get back to it, as I miss the traveling and the excitement. And hopefully, I have my new comic skirt and petticoat ready to wear too.

I have also succumbed to the coloring fad. I picked up a little coloring book full of flower designs and some colored pencils (which are harder to find than you’d think! There’s a shortage out there.). It really is relaxing and restful. Plus, it’s a nice change of pace, working with colors and patterns.

With some holiday money, I bought some new clothes. I finally bought this dress on clearance. It’s Calvin Klein and fits perfectly. The fabric is nice and heavy and it’s so well made. It’s quickly becoming my favorite, even over my blue lace “Belle” dress. They made another one with blue stripes that I want badly.

And a thought to leave you with:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Choices

Back on New Year’s Eve, I made a bunch of resolutions. When I read them back, they sound like the typical, high-level promises that I make every year. However for some reason, this year feels different, like I can make the changes I want/need to make.

When I meditated on why, it came to me. I finally realized something important. It’s not just important for me to have goals or plan out the steps to achieve them. I must chose to live my resolutions constantly, as my life is made of a series of choices. If I want to live a certain way, change my life, or reach my goals, I have to chose the action that will take me down a different path, rather than doing the same old thing mindlessly.

Plus, there’s another advantage to mindfulness – I can see the signs the universe is sending me. When I pay attention to the signs, I can chose whether to act or not. The truth is that all I can control is me and my reactions to what life brings. Plus, it’s encouraging when the universe confirms that choice I’ve made and that a path I’ve chosen is the right for me. I feel I need to keep moving forward, leaving the past where it belongs. There’s so many better, no great, things and adventures waiting for me out there.

So far my 2016 has been terrific and I’m happy about the direction I’m going.

I spent New Year’s Eve relaxing and reflecting after a difficult 2015. I enjoyed a bottle of moscato, some time writing, and a nice hot bath. Getting back to writing has been very good for me and incredibly healing.

On the 1st, I went shopping for myself. I had money and gift cards from Christmas. Normally, I would hold on to them and spend them on something practical, but this time, I decided to buy some things for me. I got two nice Calvin Klein dresses, which are nicely made and fit me perfectly, along with a cute pair of black booties and new sneakers. I also went to the Vera Bradley outlet and got a new bag, makeup case, and cup in their “Lucky You” pattern, which I love. It’s navy with green and white flowers and polka dots.

Yesterday, I watched Season One “The Good Witch” TV series. It is a fun series, light and fluffy, but it’s uplifting and inspiring too. Cassie Nightingale reminds me of the kind of person I would ideally like to be – feminine, smart, practical, charming, giving, helpful, and wise.

I spent Saturday evening at OnPoint Wrestling to see their 3rd anniversary show. I drove down to Williamstown and spent the night hanging out with friends, meeting new ones, and enjoying a great wrestling show. The Unbreakable Andy and Tony Deppen rematch from the Masters of the Mat was amazing, just pure awesomeness. The 8 man tag team match was a lot of fun to see. The main event no rope barbed wire match was just brutal and everyone, even Loudy, got a taste of barbed wire. And Pinkie Sanchez is back! The whole show reminded me why I love wrestling so much. Looking forward going to the next show in March, and helping out at Excellence and UWA Elite next shows coming up in a few weeks!

Sunday’s are for wrestling and I’m catching up by watching Wrestlejam 13, Yet Another Wrestling Extravaganza, and South Jersey Wrestlefest. And I bought a copy of On Point’s Masters of the Mat last night. I have the mp4, but enjoyed it so much I had to get the DVD to watch as well.

Happy New Years!

Happy New Year’s everyone! 2015 is finally over and I can’t say I’m sorry to see it go. I had a pretty serious wrist surgery and lost a few important people in my life. The year did have one big shining spot, which was being hired fulltime at the Port Authority. It was worth the wait, as I enjoyed working there tremendously.

But still, 2015 was a year filled with harsh lessons and I feel my 2015 can be summed up in one word – lost. I can definitely say I am not the same person I was back in January. But there is a saying:

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.”

The surgery I had in October on my right wrist was a year overdue. I tried to get the money for it before, but couldn’t make it work. I was in constant and severe pain to the point I couldn’t think straight. While I never became addicted, I was taking pain killers to deal with the pain more frequently than I (or my stomach) was comfortable with. It was an all around bad situation, but I felt I needed to push forward. I made commitments and promises that I believed I had to keep, no matter what.

The surgery fixed the shattered joint that healed uneven and the cartilage tear that no one knew was there. At first, I was still in severe pain, but it has healed better than expected. My pain level is almost nothing and the physical therapy that failed previously worked this time around. Thanks to my excellent orthopedic, I should be able to return to training in 2017. It’s a long healing process, but considering I was told that I would have to have it fused and never be able to return, the wait is nothing. Plus, I can start doing ring crew and other physical tasks again.

My Mom-Mom passed early in the year and while we didn’t always see eye to eye. We were probably more alike that we’d admit. We were both strong willed, intelligent, and dedicated, with a work ethic that is almost scary. And stubborn, definitely stubborn, can’t forget that one.

In addition, I lost three men from my life who were important to me. I won’t mention names or go into details about what happened, because I don’t feel that matters, but I will say each situation was heartbreaking and hard in its own way. I didn’t want them to go and even now, a part of me wishes they were still in my life, even if their departure was for the best. I learned many valuable lessons from all three men, which I will integrate into my life going forward into 2016.

From the first, I learned the importance of self-respect and perseverance. Never let anyone put you down. Constructive criticism is a positive thing, as it helps us improve, but name calling and insults do not. Ignore them. Also, when we’re striving for our dreams, we sometimes have to allow ourselves to be adaptable. We have to keep going even when our path takes an unexpected curve. Being open to new opportunities and ways our dream manifests is key.

From the second, I learned how crucial boundaries are. It’s not just creating them or having them that matters. When we have boundaries, we have to clearly and positively communicate them to those around us. When they are broken or pushed, we need to speak up positively and assertively and defend them.

From the third, I learned the most, maybe because he was the most important to me. Even if Happily Ever After is only found in fairy tales, I learned that real passion and connection are all worth trying for. You should never regret feeling them, even if a relationship doesn’t work out. And if a relationship ends, let yourself feel the pain of loss and disappointment. Heartbreak is like a empty, dull ache that sits in your chest, but never seems to stop. It hurts for real and will stop, but expressing and staying with it in the present is cathartic and healing. You’ll be able to move on, learn from the experience, and stay open to finding love and companionship again.

This is one of my favorite comics about heartbreak. I think it says it all so very well.

…so if you know of a man with some extra strong tape, please let me know, because I have a torn balloon that could use some repair…

In 2016, I want my keyword to be “found”.

In 2015, I lost my identity because I based it on what I do or did. In 2016, I will find myself and this time, my identity will be based on who I am. It’s about being and feeling rather than doing and thinking.

In 2015, I censored myself and my likes to fit in and be acceptable. In 2016, I want to express myself more and share/more of my interests, regardless of what others might think.

In 2015, I lost my voice to self-doubt and perfectionism. In 2016, I want to tell my truth, share my myself, and write more often.

In 2015, I worked and struggled, leaving no time to have fun or meet as many new people as I wanted (although I am thankful for the new friends I’ve made, like Dan, Heather, and Kris). In 2016, I want to encourage and build the friendships I’ve made, find new friends/loves, and have a good time.

In 2015, I stagnated intellectually and creatively, losing my passion. In 2016, I want to take classes, expand my horizons, take creative risks, and try new things, basically find my creativity again.

In 2015, I cried over what I lost. In 2016, I will rejoice over new opportunities.

Wherever she went…

My surgery’s over and so far, my recovery is going well. The surgery itself showed that in addition to the other injuries and damage, I also had a serious cartilage tear. He was able to fix it, thankfully. I have a 6-8 week recovery period and physical therapy starts this week. So far, my wrist is sore and hurting, but it feels far better than I thought it would at this point. Hopefully, therapy will work now the tear is fixed. I started Tuesday and I’m hopeful.

I don’t have any restrictions and he wants me to use my brace sparingly. I’m looking to find other ways to build my wrist strength back up, so I’m considering taking up a craft. I’ve been meaning to and this seems like a good time. I’m considering knitting, crochet, or embroidery, and leaning towards embroidery.

I’ve also learned about the importance of rest. I tend to be a busy person, constantly working on projects. Taking breaks is not something I’m good at, but my surgery forced me to do just that. I’ve had to “be” rather than “do”. It’s made me look at how I measure my own self-worth and consider what my self-esteem is based on. I discovered that it really is based on what I do and accomplish, rather than who I am – because I suppose I’m afraid that just being Babs isn’t enough.

The break has also had me reflecting on the past year and the choices I’ve made. I’ve realized that I’m responsible for everything that has happened to me. Blaming my actions and behaviors on others is an excuse. That is a huge lesson for me. Also, I realized that I’ve skewed too far towards the masculine, leaving me feeling and acting stressed, anxious, and rude to those around who did not deserve it. I want to get back to my feminine self, because it’s my real nature. I know I’ll feel a lot better too – clearer headed, more positive, and happier. I am planning to write more about this in the future.

But for now, I would like to share the little things that help me rest and feel happy…

The weekend after my surgery, I put lemon oil in my diffuser. It was comforting, as I love citrus scents. It definitely brightened my room. According to “Magical Aromatherapy” by Scott Cunningham, lemon oil is excellent for purification and healing, and works with medical treatment to fight off infection and boost the immune system.

I also picked up some lemon squares from Sweet Eats, a local bakery, which is terrific. It’s where we get our cakes at work. It’s a very special treat.

I’m a big fan of ginger ale and I found little ginger ale bottles and cans. They are so cute!

The hard to find pink-robed Ric Flair Pop figure! All the Target’s near me were sold out, so I had to go to eBay. I found a great deal and he is in perfect condition. He’s adorable. Next on my list is Andre the Giant.

Friday the 13th: The Series
John D. LeMay, Louise Robey and Chris Wiggins (from left)

I’ve been binge watching “Friday the 13th: The Series”. The TV show has nothing to do with the movie series. It’s about Ryan (LeMay) and Micki (Robey), two cousins who inherit an antiques store from their late distant Uncle Lewis. They sell off many of the items before meeting traveler and student of the occult Jack Marshak (Wiggins), who used to supply the store. Together, the three discover the items were cursed by the devil. Their mission then becomes clear – they must retrieve the items. Each episode features a item and their attempt to recover it. The items include things like demonic dolls and cursed coins. Some episodes are inspired by other stories, like “The Phantom of the Opera” and “Beauty and the Beast”. It ends after the third Season, which is a shame, as it was a fun show that makes perfect Halloween-time viewing.

Healing is a matter of time…

This week brings a lot of changes. First, I get my long overdue wrist joint surgery. This new chapter of my healing journey brings hope and fear, all linked to the unknown. Until the surgery is over, I won’t know what they will do. It could be the surgeon just scopes my wrist and determines I need further surgeries or he could grind down the bone or do some repair work to the ligaments and cartilage. It’s scary because I can’t prepare and I don’t know what they effects will be. Yet, I’m willing to face the fear because of hope – hope that the result will be healing and bring me some relief from the chronic pain I deal with now. So, I’m happy with the chance to get the surgery done, especially since I hit a number of roadblocks along the way. I could use some support and healing vibes/prayers.

I’m going to use this time and take the opportunity to really heal. I’m thankful for it. I’ve been resistant to healing over the last few months, wanting to live in a past that no longer exists, wishing I could change the unchangeable, stuck in a limbo because of it. But because of this surgery, I’ve realized that if I want to truly move forward and be happy – I have to hang on to hope – use that to stay positive, face my fears, and stop trying to control my future because I’m afraid of what it does and doesn’t hold. I have to take this opportunity to let go and let life unfold. I’m discovering that in every difficult situation, I have an opportunity to learn, heal, change, grow, become, create, and love – if I stay open to it.

I’ve realized that I need certain things to make me happy they range from the serious, important life stuff, like love and friendship to the small things, like manicures and pedicures. Here’s what I like and love right now:

All things ginger! I love the spicy, stomach soothing herb, especially now it’s getting cold. I’m known for carrying ginger candies around to relax my tummy when it’s acting up, but I love it in other forms. I enjoy real ginger ale and Bruce Cost makes one with jasmine tea that is really good. I just made a trip to Reading Terminal Market and picked up dark chocolate ginger, dark chocolate ginger snaps, dark chocolate with ginger and orange, and ginger lemonade.

Aromatherapy! On the same trip to the Market, I picked up a copy of Magical Aromatherapy by Scott Cunningham and some new pads for my diffuser. I bought some lemon and mandarin bergamot oils over the weekend I’m looking forward to trying! I’ve been using the power of scent to help healing and relaxing. Lavender is my favorite so far.

Once Upon a Time is back for Season 5 and looking forward to seeing Black Swan and Camelot. I watched the first episode and it was great. I missed this show.

Gotham. I recently finished binge watching Season 1 and loved it. It started slowly, but by the end, I was hooked. I loved how the intensity grew with each episode. The plot unfolded with every character’s action and their development was obvious, yet not boring. I love everything Kristen Kringle wears with her 1950’s-style vintage look and how Edward Nygma would try to flirt with her. I liked Penguin and wasn’t sure if making him the main villain would work, but it did. Robin Lord Taylor is an incredible actor. Looking forward to Season 2 and Rise of the Villains.

Reading! The Paris Wife by Paula McClain – A historical fiction about Hadley Richardson, Ernest Hemingway’s first wife and How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age by Dale Carnegie & Associates – A new take on timeless business and professional wisdom.

Wrestling!

This Saturday’s “Check Please!” Excellence Pro event! Excellence has become my home and I’m happy to be there. The roster ranges from rookies to veterans and the vibe is always fun. Excellence has reminded me that it is still possible to put on a great show and have a good time doing it! It’s a wonderful group of talented wrestlers, staff, and crew. I’m looking forward to seeing One Night Only back together in action and the return of Cheeseburger. Visit their website at http://www.excellenceprofessionalwrestling.com.

South Jersey Wrestlefest on Sunday! Presented by Double Stomp Video and CZW Champion Matt Tremont, the convention and wrestling show features the chance to meet wrestlers, like several ECW originals, check out various podcasts and vendors. The card is made of matches from a number of different groups in and around South Jersey. I love watching people get together to celebrate wrestling and wish National Pro Wrestling Day had continued in that vein. I’m looking forward to Dirty Money take on AR Fox for the the D.A.W.G. Championship the most. Dirty Money is underrated and AR Fox is AR Fox. It’s going to be great. Get more information here: http://www.matt-tremont.com/wrestlefest.html

On Point Wrestling’s Masters of the Mat tournament on 10/24! I like On Point for a number of reasons. First, it has a little something for everyone from ultraviolence to mat wrestling to lucha. Second, the fans are smart, but fun – everyone is looking and expecting to have a good time. Third, everyone there obviously cares about their fans and dedicated to putting on the best show possible. That being said, the tournament is going to be great because of the talent in it. I’m leaning towards Sam Shields winning it. Check out his match with Gran Akuma from the last show, it’s worth every penny. I’m sad that Pinkie won’t be in it due to injury. (Get well soon!) Full information about the event can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/events/1622106358044534  

Wrestlejam 13! It’s coming up in November, so I’ll again mention it before then. But there’s going to be a Team F.I.S.T. reunion. I still love vintage CHIKARA, so Icarus and Akuma back together makes me happy. I’m hoping Icarus’ back tattoo makes a return as well (Wait…did I really just type that?)

I still can’t believe I actually miss this…

Listen to the return of CHIKARA in 15 Minutes of Less! I created CI15 and its website in the hopes of keeping everyone up to date on all things CHIKARA and share my love of the company. Its sister podcast, Chattin’ with the CHIKARMY, was born from an attempt to give the fans a voice and have them connect to CHIKARA and each other in a deeper way. Both were more successful than I thought possible. I really felt that it was something CHIKARA needed. I loved doing them and meeting everyone. After my time in CHIKARA was over, I decided to let them go. I believed they weren’t needed anymore and that I was no longer the right person to do them. Then I received a message from Alex, which made me rethink that. I happily passed them on to him with the request he keep their original spirit and I know he will do just that. Support him and the podcasts. The new website is here: http://chikarain15.com.

Starting Over

I’ve spent the Summer travelling through a Hell. As I made my descent, I was continuously asked to give up something, like past accomplishments, friends, and a future. I didn’t give them up easily. I thought: “I need these things! They are important! They are who I am!” By the time I entered Hell, I was crawling, naked and alone, and still clinging to a past that no longer exists. As the torture continued, time seemed to speed by, days full of promise disappeared in an instant, as every second stretched out to eternity.

I realized there was only one way to stop the suffering, I would have to wake up and see the truth. So, I did. I saw all my memories, not just the happy ones, but the sad, painful ones as well. I saw my real friends who stood with me and the ones who disappeared. I saw my past achievements, not as something to fall back on, but as evidence of what I could do in the future. I saw many things to be grateful for. For the first time in months, I saw possibility and potential for the future.  

I knew what I had to do next – I had to die. Not literally, but figuratively. The last remnants of my old life and my former identity would have to go. I deleted social media accounts, websites, and e-mails. All of it gone with a few clicks. I hesitated before each deletion. Little spurts of adrenaline went through my system as I stopped to consider what people would say or think. Despite the fear, I hit that button anyway. I was closing doors behind me. And it felt like a death. I mourned who I was.

But then, I started to feel lighter, like I could float if I wanted to. A burden had lifted from my shoulders. I no longer have to keep up appearances, pretending to live a life that no longer exists. I have a clean slate to remake my life. I’m starting over, which makes me scared, but excited too!

Recently, I’ve met new friends, true friends. I’ve got new opportunities to network, learn at, and help out different wrestling companies. I’m starting a new job, full-time job and career in Customer Service I worked hard for at a great company, which I start tomorrow. I’ve explored myself – learning what I like/dislike, finding out what I’m good at, and what I want for the future. I wouldn’t have gotten here, gotten this chance to start over, if I gave up or hadn’t gone through the Hell I did.